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All Hail, the Linux Goddess

Early 19th century a nerdy, frickin' awesome girl with a gift for computer science, light years ahead of her time, invented and buried a server in her garden.

"One day," the fantastic girl told her server, "you will host amazing websites."

The story so far...

It was the time of Ada Lovelace. In pioneer Wyoming, a genius girl was born. Her name was Jane, and she fell asleep inside the server she invented. For over 150 years, her server lay undiscovered.

Waiting for humans to invent microchips.

Waiting for an operating system powerful enough to handle her fiery processing speeds.

But as the dawn of the internet rose in the 1990s, disaster struck.

Pirates from male web hosts cast an evil spell over the Linux Goddess, so no one would find her.

Jealous he would never equal Jane’s speeds, Mars, the god of war, flooded the net with slow man-made servers that screw up all the time.

With no way to host Jane, small website owners have been denied their full potential. Trillions of lost dollars vanished because your customers dump their carts when webpages crawl like snails.

They never come back.

Mercifully, one day, the planet Venus appeared over the digital sea and fired Jane's processors.

"It shall be coded in server time," Venus proclaimed, "that anyone who agrees to her acceptable use policy can run a faster checkout on Jane, and rocket in Pingdom tests!"

"Need faster pages?" Venus asked.

"Host Jane!"

It took under 72 hours for the first users to map the A-records at their nameservers to Jane's IP addresses, which the Linux Goddess lit up with a red flame; a virtual lighthouse beaming across the binary ocean to update ISPs across the globe.

Across borders and timezones, people buying skills and selling services are protected by Jane's secure rules.

Ay, #JaneIsPowerful.

May her kingdom grow strong and mighty. As Venus foretold, Scorpio codes for her in server time.